The best way out is always through.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just holding a spot for someone else to show up and take the place. Like I am a stand in before the real show begins. This sort of feeling always gets me in trouble. Because when you think you’re not good enough to be the “real” player, then you end up doing things for others just so that you can be accepted and loved.
You get caught up sometimes, this person who thinks she’s an imposter. You begin to think you could do things that are uncharacteristic and it’s okay because you are role playing temporarily. However, you forget that there comes a time when your role playing is no longer a farce when you’ve played it long enough.
There comes a time you would also have to face that no matter how much you try to please others by doing things you know are not of your value, they won’t love you more. In fact I dare say that the more you try to please them the more they will lose respect for you and manipulate you. Assuming a personality and acting it out to be accepted is the worst way to go about being accepted. You know this.
No one loves a stone that lays to be stepped on. No one. The people you’re trying to “win over” will not love you. They will just take you for granted. Most of all, you will love you less.